For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the go-to person for a lot of people. Friends, family and sometimes coworkers have come to me in the hopes that I could say or do something that would turn their anxiety into peace or make sense of the current state of their life. I’m by no means the expert on life, but I have been someone who a lot of people trust and lean on. I love being present for the people in my life, and if I can help, I will. We all need a “person.”
The only problem is, somehow, some way I neglected my feelings. Somewhere down the line, I got used to trying to fix other people, and I neglected myself. I stopped showing up for myself, and I can’t tell you exactly what day and time, all I can tell you is, I stopped and I’ve been struggling to get back there. I didn’t suffer simply because too many people were leaning on me. I stopped showing up for myself. Just like the ones who come to me for help, life happened to me and I was in need of help.
I found myself in one too many relationships where I was pouring into someone else with no reciprocity. I think we all know that if you continue to give yourself away, and you’re not being poured into or taking the time to recharge, you will be left feeling depleted and defeated. And that’s where I was. Catch that. WAS.
The great thing is, there was someone in my life who actually seemed interested in how I was doing and offered their support to me and I was grateful. They’ve been here all along, I just got out of the habit of sharing things with them. I didn’t tell them that I needed them, and I should have. Even with God and prayer, I needed a support system to lean on.
I said all of this to say, I am not a part of nor am I interested in any one-sided relationships with ANYONE. No one is exempt from this. I love the people in my life, but I will not let anyone drain me like that again. We all are going through a storm or have recently come out of one. Check on people you love just as much as you seek them out for refuge.
This doesn’t mean that I won’t lend a listening ear if it’s needed. This just means, I’m taking better care of me and my emotional and spiritual well-being. I had to say that because I know someone will read this and think, “Well I can’t call Rachelle no more.” I love you, but I love me more.